1. Too Cool For School Guy: This is the one dude in the jam who's totally impervious to heat. He's probably rocking teflon jocks. You can catch him standing at the back of the dance floor, cap down low, hands in his pockets and a thick goose down puffer-jacket on his back. Some how he's not even sweating. There's no dancing from him and he makes sure he shows a healthy level of disinterest in what's happening on stage. You're probably wondering why he's here, it's usually just to be seen.
2. Yo-yo Girl: There's always a small gaggle of these and they insist on getting as close as they can to the front, only to find it's way to hot up there and come rushing back towards the bar. They do this in a line holding hands pushing past you and spilling your overpriced beer all over your nice new trainers. They'll repeat the process at least three times thorughout the course of the night.
3. Bullshit Bar Fly Guy: Always drunk, he'll happily chew your ear off while you wait to get served, dropping more names than The Game's entire back catalogue. He'll regail you with tales about the band on stage, which you either know or are of questionable origin. You'll probably wonder why if he knows so much is he not rocking a back stage pass and if he's as great a guy as he says he is, why is he alone this evening?
4.Geek Boy: Standing off to the side there's a pasty looking dude watching intently every move the DJ/keyboardist/samples guy makes. He won't notice you he's tring to read the fine print on the Akai sampler at 20ft in dim light. He can probably do it to. He wants to know what that 45 that just got plucked from the crate is. He doesn't need those glasses they just magify the record labels so he can see them. Years of this mean he doesn't even need a pad to write it all down any more. Just don't say hi to him unless you want to spent the next 45 minutes discussing the relative merits of the latest MPC model and what Mike gee was sampling in 1989.
5. Trendies: Always rocking clothes that just look plain uncomfortable and with an exclopedic knowledge of acts you probably always thought were a bit wack, they're strutting round looking good being everyone's friend. Showing enough interest to look into the music but not enough to break a sweat in their limited edition 50 quid T-shirt. They're wishing it was 1985 again so they could actually claim to be alive when their shoes were made.
Image by ElekTro4
5. Trendies: Always rocking clothes that just look plain uncomfortable and with an exclopedic knowledge of acts you probably always thought were a bit wack, they're strutting round looking good being everyone's friend. Showing enough interest to look into the music but not enough to break a sweat in their limited edition 50 quid T-shirt. They're wishing it was 1985 again so they could actually claim to be alive when their shoes were made.
Image by ElekTro4
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