New UK Hip Hop Movies

You'd have to be hidden under a rock that's impervious to Hip Hop to not know that Notorious has, this weekend, been release in the US to a luke-warm reception.

It got me wondering what UK Hip Hop artists might make for a good biopic. So I'm thinking about pitching these to Film 4 for some free cash.

Title: If I make it to the morning...
Director: Darren Aronofsky
Staring: Gollum

The drugs convictions, the battles, the release woes, the politics. Skinnyman's story has got drama sewn through it, and the man's got charisma that just jumps out of the screen. Obviously Golum will need a bit of tidying up and some fresh threads before he looks the part, but that's just a case of moving some pixels around. Then it's just a question of him rocking that middle earth flow.

Title: Glimity Glamity
Director: Danny Boyle
Starring: Those dudes from Cool Runnings

What could be more compelling than the story of three young dudes shooting to relative stardom and changing the face of British music on the way. That's the Demon Boyz for you. It's like a rags to riches tale, without any real riches.
Danny Boyle, as Slumdog Millionaire proves, is great at capturing the essence of a time and place. The dudes from Cool Runnings had all the youthful swagger required and we already know they're great at accents.

Title: The Big Dawg
Director: John Woo
Staring: This Guy

Is there any less likely candidates for a rise to Hip Hop stardom than everyone's favorite vicar's son from Lowestof? That's the things that great cinema are made of.

Image courtest of worktheangles

List-orama '08

As the end of the year rapidly approaches it's self-indulgence time for bloggers the world over as we all try to shout loudest about our highs and lows in the hope that someone actually gives a shit what we think. Here's my contribution to that global conversation, limited as it is by my personal spending power.

Top 5 Albums
1. Million Dan - Spektrum
2. Q-Tip - The Renaissance
3. Ill Bill - The Hour of Reprisal
4. EMC- The Show
5. Black Milk - The Tronic
Honorable Mentions: Skreintax - Scene Stealers, Jean Grae - Jeanius

Top 5 Singles
1. Dizze Rascal ft. Calvin Harris - Dance Wiv Me
2. The Cool Kids - Black Mags
3. Cappo and Stylee C - The Unwritten Rule
4. Jake One ft. Freeway & Brother Ali - The Truth
5. Black Milk - Give the Drummer Some

Top 5 Bad Moves of 2008
1. 808s and Heartbreak
2. Auto-Tune
3. Endorsing Barack Obama when you've never used your publicity to speak on issues of importance previously
4. Pointless beef
5. Having decent producers give you their bargain-basement beats for your singles. I'm looking at you Flo Rider.

Top 5 Things That Totally Passed Me By
1. Why Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive
2. Why Kid Cudi is so great
3. Why M.I.A. is allowed on the radio
4. Why tight trousers on men are a good thing
5. Why some American voters appear to know nothing about what they're voting for/against

Image by Brittney Bush

The 5 characters of your average hip hop gig

1. Too Cool For School Guy: This is the one dude in the jam who's totally impervious to heat. He's probably rocking teflon jocks. You can catch him standing at the back of the dance floor, cap down low, hands in his pockets and a thick goose down puffer-jacket on his back. Some how he's not even sweating. There's no dancing from him and he makes sure he shows a healthy level of disinterest in what's happening on stage. You're probably wondering why he's here, it's usually just to be seen.

2. Yo-yo Girl: There's always a small gaggle of these and they insist on getting as close as they can to the front, only to find it's way to hot up there and come rushing back towards the bar. They do this in a line holding hands pushing past you and spilling your overpriced beer all over your nice new trainers. They'll repeat the process at least three times thorughout the course of the night.

3. Bullshit Bar Fly Guy: Always drunk, he'll happily chew your ear off while you wait to get served, dropping more names than The Game's entire back catalogue. He'll regail you with tales about the band on stage, which you either know or are of questionable origin. You'll probably wonder why if he knows so much is he not rocking a back stage pass and if he's as great a guy as he says he is, why is he alone this evening?

4.Geek Boy: Standing off to the side there's a pasty looking dude watching intently every move the DJ/keyboardist/samples guy makes. He won't notice you he's tring to read the fine print on the Akai sampler at 20ft in dim light. He can probably do it to. He wants to know what that 45 that just got plucked from the crate is. He doesn't need those glasses they just magify the record labels so he can see them. Years of this mean he doesn't even need a pad to write it all down any more. Just don't say hi to him unless you want to spent the next 45 minutes discussing the relative merits of the latest MPC model and what Mike gee was sampling in 1989.

5. Trendies: Always rocking clothes that just look plain uncomfortable and with an exclopedic knowledge of acts you probably always thought were a bit wack, they're strutting round looking good being everyone's friend. Showing enough interest to look into the music but not enough to break a sweat in their limited edition 50 quid T-shirt. They're wishing it was 1985 again so they could actually claim to be alive when their shoes were made.

Image by ElekTro4